Archive for the ‘Ask Uncle Lumpy’ Category

Monday, October 6th, 2008

Q: Where are your lumps, Unc?

A: We’ve all got lumps, honeychild.  Mine are right here- I’m taking them now!

Don’t Get Down!

Monday, October 6th, 2008

Question: Why does life suck so bad?

Answer: You know I think there are times when everyone feels like that, I know I do. But you know what always helps me get through the nit n’ gritty, is trying to think about the situation in a different way. Life suckin’ is the same as saying life is great; it is just a different way of seeing it. There will be ups and downs, sideways and…sidewards, but with a little love and good ol’ uncle lumpy, I think you will see better days!

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

Question – What do you eat?

Answer – Only the finest cross cuts of Auroch.

Philosophy with Uncle Lumpy

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

Question: What is the meaning of life?

Answer:  Well friend, first I must apologize for not answering your question sooner; I felt it needed some time to sit around in the ol’ noggin before I tried it.  I’ve never been much for philosophisin’, but it seems to me that this question really isn’t the one you need to ask.  The meaning of life is all well and good, but the real question is how would your life be different if you knew the answer? Would you get up earlier, be a little nicer, floss more regularly? Really, these types of questions are best directed to more qualified experts in the field; I would suggest the Dalai Lama, he seems to spend a lot of time thinking about just this sort of thing. If you find a trip to Tibet to be a little out of your way, then you should probably consider less profound philosophy and just do what I do, and enjoy a nice warm stack of pancakes- they always help me in such existential difficulties.

Ask Uncle Lumpy

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

Question: Will the Art department ever get t-shirts this year?

Answer: Well lets see those creative designs art majors and we’ll have no choice but to print t-shirts!

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

Question: Do you like to dance?

Answer: Sure, Uncle Lumpy likes to dance. You could go as far to say that Uncle Lumpy loves to dance. But really you don’t have to “dance” around the question, I know what you’re getting at. I too used this pickup line back in my days. I’ll just go ahead and ask you since you’re so shy: may I have this dance?

Colorfully Curious…

Thursday, September 25th, 2008

Question: Why is the sky purple and the grass turquoise?

Answer: Well, all I have to say to you ma’am/sir, is that it is the same reason lemons are green and limes are yellow…it is all a matter of preference.

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Question: Why is Dabb so fabulous?

Answer: Hoe-k so, why is Dabb so fabulous you ask?  Well now, a Dabb is a species of fat-tailed lizards located in the Arabian Desert.  They are fabulous because their squishy little tails can be a tasty little treat.  I do enjoy this Bedouin delicacy daily with a side of oven baked yams.  I highly recommend roasting it with a splash of lemon juice for 15 minutes on each side…it gets too chewy if it’s over done.

Monday, September 8th, 2008

Question- There are four coworkers commuting to work, Ann, Bob, Cindy and Dave. They carpool five days a week. Each must drive one day a week. No driver can drive two days in a row. Cindy drives the day after Dave drives. Ann does not drive Wednesday. If Bob drives Monday, where do they go on Thursday?

Answer- Interesting question…. there are several factors that need to be taken into consideration. For example- where do the coworkers work? How long have they worked there? Do they make good money? And are there any job openings? Also are any of the coworkers dating? Dave and Ann seem like a good match. Back to your question, was Thursday a holiday? And if so, did you do anything special to celebrate it? Maybe there was a concert or the Democratic National Convention was on. The best advice Uncle Lumpy can give you is to ask either Bob, Cindy, Dave or Ann where they went on Thursday. This will reveal your interest in their lives and you never know, maybe they’ll invite you along next time. As Uncle Lumpy always says “Interest shown means a friend on the phone.”

Friday, August 1st, 2008

Question: Dear Uncle, Why are you Lumpy?

Answer: Hm… why am I lumpy? Well first we should ask, am I lumpy? Just because my name is Uncle Lumpy does not necessarily mean I have lumps now does it? Things are not always as they seem. Vegetable oil has the word vegetable in its name, but is it the healthiest for you? Surely Canola oil is far better for you. When you hit your funny bone, do you laugh or start telling jokes? Not so my dear. So once again we must remember, things are not always as they seem.